J. Tyson 2004-2007. Last updated 20-07-07
| half baked |
Find something and burn it
| The problem with pigs lies not with aerodynamics, but in an inherent lack of thrust. |
(This page has been partially restored)
Satan's ABS. The concept:
The idea of utilizing a blast of high pressure superheated
steam as a traction aid during emergency braking
manoeuvres on wet or icy surfaces has been rolling around
in my head since my days of wrenching on industrial boilers
in the mid 90's. Contrary to popular belief, Anti-lock Braking
Systems (ABS) in their present form do not enhance the
actual braking capabilities of an equipped vehicle. They
simply allow the driver to maintain a degree control by
preventing wheel lockup - something that is accomplished by
releasing braking pressure under computer control. The
degree of observed tailgating in shitty weather leads me to
believe most people haven't actually figured this out yet.
What is needed ideally is a means (without invoking 24th
century Star Trek technology) to suddenly raise upon
demand the frictional coefficient of a wet or icy surface by
making it hotter and dryer, and thus decreasing the required
braking distance.
Satan's ABS. The concept:
The idea of utilizing a blast of high pressure superheated
steam as a traction aid during emergency braking
manoeuvres on wet or icy surfaces has been rolling around
in my head since my days of wrenching on industrial boilers
in the mid 90's. Contrary to popular belief, Anti-lock Braking
Systems (ABS) in their present form do not enhance the
actual braking capabilities of an equipped vehicle. They
simply allow the driver to maintain a degree control by
preventing wheel lockup - something that is accomplished by
releasing braking pressure under computer control. The
degree of observed tailgating in shitty weather leads me to
believe most people haven't actually figured this out yet.
What is needed ideally is a means (without invoking 24th
century Star Trek technology) to suddenly raise upon
demand the frictional coefficient of a wet or icy surface by
making it hotter and dryer, and thus decreasing the required
braking distance.
| Picture 250 x 225 |
| Yes Virginia, the photo is fugazzi. The bogus length of tubing was stuffed up the commuter box for illustration purposes. |
In theory, a concentrated blast of high pressure steam at several hundred degrees Fahrenheit delivered
by a nozzle under computer control and aimed directly at the roadway in front of the tires should be
capable of blasting the pavement clear of up to a half inch of ice and raising the surface temperature by
one hundred degrees. Could such a device be fashioned and fitted to a vehicle?
Yes and no. For a privately owned passenger vehicle this idea will certainly remain in the half baked realm
due to those pesky laws of physics, not to mention economics. The complexity, required space, and sheer
weight involved in a system requiring a high pressure vessel and boiler are unavoidable. As well, the
energy requirements cannot be met by scavenging heat from the existing internal combustion engine
necessitating a dedicated boiler that would result in truly insane levels of fuel consumption. Further issues
lie in the amount of time that would be required for the system to become functional from a cold start, water
addition, specialized maintenance, frozen or damaged nozzles, scalding bystanders, launching ice chunks,
condensation clouds obscuring the visibility of other drivers, and oh. The cost of building something like
this? Are you kidding?
Never one to totally abandon a thought once it's been thunk, I still ponder other possible configurations in
hope that I'll stumble across something of merit worth attempting to build. For those that wonder why I've
so far invoked a relatively heavy and complex steam system over the simplicity of a fuel on demand
flamethrower, there are two reasons. The first lies in the poor thermal coupling - the ability to transfer heat
to solids quickly - of a flame plasma front. Although intuitively fire would seem to offer more energy,
consider that you can harmlessly wave you hand through an 800 degree kerosene flame for several
seconds yet 800 degrees of steam would instantly cook your hand to the bone. Slowing from 50Km/h, each
tire tread will cover aproximately 100 square feet of pavement per second. A spectacular amount of very
hot fire would be required to clear ice at such a rate, which of course makes the second reason quite self
evident.
by a nozzle under computer control and aimed directly at the roadway in front of the tires should be
capable of blasting the pavement clear of up to a half inch of ice and raising the surface temperature by
one hundred degrees. Could such a device be fashioned and fitted to a vehicle?
Yes and no. For a privately owned passenger vehicle this idea will certainly remain in the half baked realm
due to those pesky laws of physics, not to mention economics. The complexity, required space, and sheer
weight involved in a system requiring a high pressure vessel and boiler are unavoidable. As well, the
energy requirements cannot be met by scavenging heat from the existing internal combustion engine
necessitating a dedicated boiler that would result in truly insane levels of fuel consumption. Further issues
lie in the amount of time that would be required for the system to become functional from a cold start, water
addition, specialized maintenance, frozen or damaged nozzles, scalding bystanders, launching ice chunks,
condensation clouds obscuring the visibility of other drivers, and oh. The cost of building something like
this? Are you kidding?
Never one to totally abandon a thought once it's been thunk, I still ponder other possible configurations in
hope that I'll stumble across something of merit worth attempting to build. For those that wonder why I've
so far invoked a relatively heavy and complex steam system over the simplicity of a fuel on demand
flamethrower, there are two reasons. The first lies in the poor thermal coupling - the ability to transfer heat
to solids quickly - of a flame plasma front. Although intuitively fire would seem to offer more energy,
consider that you can harmlessly wave you hand through an 800 degree kerosene flame for several
seconds yet 800 degrees of steam would instantly cook your hand to the bone. Slowing from 50Km/h, each
tire tread will cover aproximately 100 square feet of pavement per second. A spectacular amount of very
hot fire would be required to clear ice at such a rate, which of course makes the second reason quite self
evident.
Arctic trek survival dildo. The concept:
I'm no stranger to the cold. Besides spending time in the arctic North of Sixty, I've spent several winters
homeless as a teen. The arctic is breathtakingly beautiful, and even the dimmest of humans could not
spend a night under the revealed naked universe of the clear northern sky without pondering our very
existence. Contrary to what you may believe, there is no reason to ever feel "cold" if you're properly
equipped, and so this idea is a result of first hand knowledge of how comfortable a refrigerator carton can
be in minus twenty degree temperatures catalysed by memories of a liquored up mascot.
Indeed, one cold November day while attempting to drink scotch and smoke through the right eye of a
fibreglass mascot head (Do you really need to ask?), it occurred to me that if the damn thing weren't so
heavy that it would have made an excellent piece of gear in arctic conditions.
Imagine an oversized Artoo-Detoo looking dildo constructed of ultra light weight composite materials and
large enough to hold an erect walking person when upright or a foetal position sleeping person when
laying horizontally. About 30" inside diameter should be sufficient by 5 foot in overall length. Now equip the
interior with do-dads. A compartment to melt and store snow for drinking water using ambient internal
temperature. Food storage compartments. Equip the exterior with photo voltaic cells to charge internal
batteries for operating night headlights, internal lighting, radio, emergency beacon and strobe, etc. The
bottom utilizes a flexible fabric bellows sphincter that would ideally seal to your boot tops and function as a
tent door. You get the idea. Yes there's a window.
There are still a few details to work out like ventilation and condensation, not to mention the profile
presented to the wind or how sucky it would be to fall with no arm holes, but it's fun to ponder what levels
of functionality can be achieved with the thought experiment. Polar bear resistance? (Can anything be
resistant to a pissy carnivore the size and weight of a Toyota?) Could it quickly be configured to serve as a
small but useful boat?
More interestingly still, could such a device be useful in the opposite of environments? Could perhaps a
highly reflective version be beneficial in desert conditions, using solar energy to maintain a lower internal
temperature electrically or through a creative refrigeration cycle?
The beauty of ideas like these are that prototype development and construction shouldn't require any real
investment. Appliance cartons and hot glue would suffice for working out the design nuances of final shape
and size. The effort could double as a prize winning (although somewhat ambiguous) Halloween costume.
It's a shame that I'm not an engineering student, This would make a sweet school project.
I'm no stranger to the cold. Besides spending time in the arctic North of Sixty, I've spent several winters
homeless as a teen. The arctic is breathtakingly beautiful, and even the dimmest of humans could not
spend a night under the revealed naked universe of the clear northern sky without pondering our very
existence. Contrary to what you may believe, there is no reason to ever feel "cold" if you're properly
equipped, and so this idea is a result of first hand knowledge of how comfortable a refrigerator carton can
be in minus twenty degree temperatures catalysed by memories of a liquored up mascot.
Indeed, one cold November day while attempting to drink scotch and smoke through the right eye of a
fibreglass mascot head (Do you really need to ask?), it occurred to me that if the damn thing weren't so
heavy that it would have made an excellent piece of gear in arctic conditions.
Imagine an oversized Artoo-Detoo looking dildo constructed of ultra light weight composite materials and
large enough to hold an erect walking person when upright or a foetal position sleeping person when
laying horizontally. About 30" inside diameter should be sufficient by 5 foot in overall length. Now equip the
interior with do-dads. A compartment to melt and store snow for drinking water using ambient internal
temperature. Food storage compartments. Equip the exterior with photo voltaic cells to charge internal
batteries for operating night headlights, internal lighting, radio, emergency beacon and strobe, etc. The
bottom utilizes a flexible fabric bellows sphincter that would ideally seal to your boot tops and function as a
tent door. You get the idea. Yes there's a window.
There are still a few details to work out like ventilation and condensation, not to mention the profile
presented to the wind or how sucky it would be to fall with no arm holes, but it's fun to ponder what levels
of functionality can be achieved with the thought experiment. Polar bear resistance? (Can anything be
resistant to a pissy carnivore the size and weight of a Toyota?) Could it quickly be configured to serve as a
small but useful boat?
More interestingly still, could such a device be useful in the opposite of environments? Could perhaps a
highly reflective version be beneficial in desert conditions, using solar energy to maintain a lower internal
temperature electrically or through a creative refrigeration cycle?
The beauty of ideas like these are that prototype development and construction shouldn't require any real
investment. Appliance cartons and hot glue would suffice for working out the design nuances of final shape
and size. The effort could double as a prize winning (although somewhat ambiguous) Halloween costume.
It's a shame that I'm not an engineering student, This would make a sweet school project.
Wow, this guy must be really smart. The concept:
I've owned quite a few automobiles. Thirty four to date. All, from my first car - a $200 snot green '74
Pontiac Catalina capable of sustaining a full blown orgy in the rear living room - to my current little Mazda
with no front passenger seat, suffered the same horribly thought out and executed washer fluid reservoir.
They all sucked. The compulsively over engineering Germans and safety paranoid Swedes have offered
no better to date either.
If you have no clue as to what I'm moaning about then you've obviously never driven on the slush covered
snow belt highways where the mixture of salt, melted snow, and oil are continuously thrown onto the
windshield rendering the wipers all but useless. You've also never had to fumble with a cold hood latch
covered in the same slime at ten degrees below zero and attempted to pour the sloshing contents of a new
bottle into a one inch hole in the dark while wearing nice clothes. What the fuck? Do all automotive
engineers live in Tampa?
Ideally I'd like to see a small access door on the hood or fender in which a standard washer fluid container
could be dropped into without tilting. Closing the door would puncture the container top with a rigid syphon.
Even a container holder in the trunk area would be a tenfold improvement over current designs, the bottle
could be dropped into the holder and then the cap replaced with a press on rubber stopper containing the
syphon hose and vent. Since running out of fluid and having to throw coffee onto the windshield just to find
the soft shoulder one morning, I've decided that the little red Mazda will soon receive such a modification.
My intention is to install a holder in the passenger side foot well so that bottles can be changed and drawn
without exiting the vehicle. This is not rocket science.
I've owned quite a few automobiles. Thirty four to date. All, from my first car - a $200 snot green '74
Pontiac Catalina capable of sustaining a full blown orgy in the rear living room - to my current little Mazda
with no front passenger seat, suffered the same horribly thought out and executed washer fluid reservoir.
They all sucked. The compulsively over engineering Germans and safety paranoid Swedes have offered
no better to date either.
If you have no clue as to what I'm moaning about then you've obviously never driven on the slush covered
snow belt highways where the mixture of salt, melted snow, and oil are continuously thrown onto the
windshield rendering the wipers all but useless. You've also never had to fumble with a cold hood latch
covered in the same slime at ten degrees below zero and attempted to pour the sloshing contents of a new
bottle into a one inch hole in the dark while wearing nice clothes. What the fuck? Do all automotive
engineers live in Tampa?
Ideally I'd like to see a small access door on the hood or fender in which a standard washer fluid container
could be dropped into without tilting. Closing the door would puncture the container top with a rigid syphon.
Even a container holder in the trunk area would be a tenfold improvement over current designs, the bottle
could be dropped into the holder and then the cap replaced with a press on rubber stopper containing the
syphon hose and vent. Since running out of fluid and having to throw coffee onto the windshield just to find
the soft shoulder one morning, I've decided that the little red Mazda will soon receive such a modification.
My intention is to install a holder in the passenger side foot well so that bottles can be changed and drawn
without exiting the vehicle. This is not rocket science.
