miles of memorable adventure together, the proud old fuel sucking war
whore has finally been permanently retired from her daily commuter
service due to advanced age, incontinence, and a growing list of
ailments that would have required a major overhaul to properly remedy.
Although for the most part the old beast would still run like a champion,
I found that I'd been spending more than the usual amount of time in
recent years stranded on the roadside buried elbow deep in her guts.
Lately, after developing embarrassing issues with retaining 5 of her 6
required fluids and a 2 year muffler absence, I noticed that she had
become somewhat less welcome in suburban driveways, regarded by
friends with tolerant smiles not entirely unlike those reserved for
girlfriends with a reputation for getting too loaded and spazzing at
parties.
Regardless, I simply don't have the heart to send her to the crusher
quite yet. Even semi-abandoned behind work and squatting over a
small lake of transmission fluid on low tires she still has undeniable
personality. Sentimental value aside, there are still many serviceable
parts including the current engine that was dropped in new in '99 that
can be put to use when I find a similar truck to serve as a platform for
my new project.
In just a few more weeks the secret lair will be moving 75Km west to
Hamilton Ontario. The beast will be coming with me to enjoy retirement
on blocks in my back yard while awaiting evisceration.
Yes, I know. My neighbours are going to just freakin' love me. Have I
ever mentioned that I'm a redneck?
I had originally intended to tow her but I think she deserves far better
so I'm going to attempt to patch her up and take her for one final glory
ride to her final parking place. Assuming the long expired licence
plates and what remains of her French lace exhaust don't attract
unwanted attention from the local constabulary this could be fun. I truly
miss driving the beast. I'll be certain to bring a camera.
I've done little to prepare for it. This morning I thought I'd
spend some time going over what's left of the truck to see if
there was any real possibility that it would make it to Hamilton
under her own power this coming weekend.
The beast hasn't started in nearly a year now. Over the
winter most of her fluids have leaked out and her tires have
gone nearly flat. There is an on board air system to inflate
them but the engine has to be running to utilize it. A pin hole
leak has emptied the fuel tank, and for the life of me I can't
remember why all of the engine's vacuum hoses are missing.
my desk since being removed and called into emergency service during last year's August blackout to power
a television. Surprisingly, it appeared to still be fully charged.
The fuel tank was repaired with a sheet metal screw and rubber washer and refilled with year old gasoline
from a jerry can. The missing vacuum lines have been temporarily replaced with short snips from the washer
hose and plugged with pencil stubs to at least allow it to start and run.
settled into it's long missed familiar baritone idle.
Jacking the truck up to round the flat tires and pouring brake fluid
around the unseated beads allowed just enough of a seal for the
compressor to do it's job.
Within minutes the temperature gauge had wandered into the unhappy
zone. The old drive belt had hardened and was slipping. There was
enough transmission fluid remaining in the pan to engage drive but
one of the rear brake cylinder seals let loose on the first press of the
pedal leaving only the front brakes functional. The steering box and
hydraulic pump were totally dry and the universal joints in the steering
column had seized tight, but the flats held air and I managed to drive a
few quick laps around the complex.
after all, although more than likely it's going to be a somewhat covert "midnight mission". Under Ontario law,
the beast is technically a commercial truck subject to the same "random safety checks", seizures, and huge
monetary penalties levied for burnt out clearance lamps that have for all intents driven most hard working
trucker's into a second mortgage. Getting caught driving the tired old beast in her present condition would
not be a good thing.
her final 75Km journey and is now sitting in my back yard annoying my neighbour.
July 13, 2004. The old girl is resting peacefully on concrete blocks and serving nicely as a storage shed with
no other immediate plans to the contrary.
December 18, 2005. Have eighteen months really passed by so quickly? With the exception of slowly sinking
into the ground the truck hasn't moved or started since the night I brought her home from work. Although for
all intents it's service life has ended, I loath to start stripping her for parts if for no other reason than all of the
parts store quite neatly as they are attached to the truck shaped storage shed.
Eventually her tires will be mounted on the new truck one at a time as time and money become available to
remove and remount them on new rims. The engine will be removed, degreased, opened and inspected for
internal wear, and then brought inside the house to either be rebuilt or "pickled:" for long term storage.
January 10, 2006. My devilish handsome face, disarming smile, and promise of sexual favours have once
again allowed me to acquire a validation sticker from the girl at the M.T.O. counter that I had no business
getting for an uninsured derelict vehicle with no paperwork. The beast is now technically legal again, so I've
decided to hold off any parts pillage until I take her for one last stylin' bar hopping tour along Barton Street in
the spring.
